


Insert Obligatory Haddaway Meme Here

by SwoodMaxProductions



Category: Super Smash Brothers, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Aroace Fi, Aroace Ghirahim, Banter, Canon Non-Binary Character, Comedy, Gen, Humor, Siblings, Smashville, Sword Spirits - Freeform, valentines day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25368517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwoodMaxProductions/pseuds/SwoodMaxProductions
Summary: Two arcane AIs try and fail, hilariously, to figure out Valentine’s Day.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 35





	Insert Obligatory Haddaway Meme Here

“And so you see, Fi— ooh, chocolate!”

Ghirahim was drawn off-course by one of Smashville’s many shops advertising their Valentine’s Day chocolates. He entered, Fi in tow, examining the displays.

“Hmph. That is not the shape of a heart. Haven’t the imbeciles who make these seen hearts before?”

“Ghirahim, the heart is a vital internal organ. Taking into account that the main methods of a human heart becoming visible are combat, surgical procedures, and ritual sacrifice, it is probable that they have not.”

“...True…” mused Ghirahim.

“So, how long have you two been together?” the clerk said with a smile.

“Ghirahim and I were created at different times and did not directly encounter each other until the era of Skyloft. However, until very recently, we were mortal enemies.”

“That’s… uh… sweet?”

Ghirahim dug through the candy section with barely-restrained glee, bouncing up and down a bit and giggling like the Joker as he picked up copious amounts of chocolate. Money was no object— the Hunters’ Guild of Smashville paid very handsomely for the… unique services of someone like him.

“Is… he okay…?” the clerk whispered to Fi.

“No. He was once the property of one of the most bloodthirsty interdimensional warlords on record.”

The clerk looked at Fi with both deep confusion and horror. Fi looked at him with the huge, blank eyes of a being failing to understand the depths of their own social ineptitude.

“ _ Fi,  _ just  _ look  _ at all of this  _ candy! _ ”

“Ahh, chocolate,” said the clerk, giving Ghirahim what he thought was a knowing smile, “Women love their chocolate,” 

Fi tilted her head.

“...Why specifically women? Most members of any species to whom it is not toxic enjoy chocolate. For example, I enjoy chocolate.”

The clerk looked confused.

“But… aren’t you a woman?”

“I am a sword,” said Fi, matter-of-factly.

The clerk just began ringing up the candy, wondering what in the lemony-fresh hell was going on.

“This chocolate is for… Valentine’s Day?” asked Ghirahim, examining the label of one of the boxes of chocolates, “...What is Valentine’s Day?”

The clerk tried not to outwardly display that he would definitely be asking for a raise after dealing with these… entities.

“Valentines Day is, uh... a day when lovers get each other gifts, and go on dates and stuff.”

“But that is something that happens on any given day.”

“Well… Valentine’s Day is special. What you do on Valentine’s Day can make or break a relationship—“

“So it’s extortion,” interrupted Ghirahim.

“What— No! It’s… it’s…”

“Is the gift-giver punished for an insufficient gift?” asked Fi.

“W-well, I mean, you might be in the doghouse for awhile, but—“

“Ghirahim was correct. That is extortion.”

“It’s not like that!”

“You  _ just said— _ “

“Are you aware that extortion is illegal?”

“It’s not extortion, it’s being  _ romantic _ !”

Ghirahim scoffed.

“Well. It seems this concept of ‘romance’ is even less savory than I had previously surmised…”

Seeing that the clerk had finished ringing up his veritable dragon hoard of candy, Ghirahim summoned a bag of zenny with a snap of his fingers and threw it at the clerk, teleporting the haul into a pocket dimension and stalking out like a cat with its tail in the air.

“Come along Fi, there’s far better things here in Smashville than  _ that, _ ” he said, “...Imagine, making someone sleep in a  _ doghouse… _ ”


End file.
